But enough of its illustrious history, here is Teenage Kicks by The Undertones:
This has got me thinking… what other books could be rewritten from another character’s viewpoint?
The Holy Bible
Poor old God. After a busy weeks’ work making the sky, land and seas; the Sun, Moon and stars; the creatures of the sea and the birds of the sky; all kinds of wild animals; and his crowning glory, mankind, God had hoped to put His feet up and finally enjoy His creation. Little did He realise what He was in for.
Before long, His beloved Adam and Eve had disobeyed Him*. Then one of their children murders the other. Things just get worse and worse. Sexual immorality, genocide, idolatry, child sacrifice. Watching from on high, God had hoped for something like Little House on the Prairie; instead He got something like Game of Thrones.
Things get so bad, God sends His only Son down to tell everyone to be cool and groovy and try to get along with everyone; for which effrontery He is duly nailed to a cross.
Sinking into anger and depression, God has no choice but to call in the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to put an end to it all.
“Call me Moby Dick” begins this classic tale of a white whale. With florid prose and exhaustive detail, this Great American Novel lays bare the rich inner life of a Sperm Whale. Readers are treated to Cetacean cerebrations on such diverse matters as the wetness of water, the deliciousness of squid and shrimp, and the joy of the open ocean.
Over 135 incident-packed Chapters, we gawp as the whale swims westwards. We thrill as the whale swims eastwards. We cower as he swims down. We whoop as he swims up. We delight as he swims westwards again.
Such excitement is briefly interrupted in an odd incident in which Moby is harpooned by a mad old sea captain he vaguely remembers meeting before. But a quick ram of his ship puts paid to this interruption, and Moby can go on his exciting way: swimming east, west, eating some krill…
In yesterday’s post, I mentioned that London’s skyline is sprouting skyscrapers at a rate of knots.
In case you haven’t seen it in a while, here’s a what London’s skyline looks like:
I apologise for the erratic blogging. My inclination to blog is rather like the hurried lover – it comes and goes.
I’m currently taking a bit of a holiday, visiting my relatives in Kent. I’ve been up to London a few times, and it looks like Boomtown, with cranes and new skyscrapers dominating the skyline. It’s been like that the last few years, as if the Great Recession didn’t hit the Capital as hard. Indeed, London and the Home Counties are very much the economic engine of the country.
It wasn’t always this way. Back when Britain was the workshop of the world, there was a more diverse economic geography. Steel from Sheffield. Ships from Glasgow. Cotton from Manchester. Coal from Newcastle.
As with all mature economies, Britain’s has moved from manufacturing to services and the economy has become much more concentrated – with high-value financial and professional services being clustered mainly around London*.
Here’s a map of the planned motorways built from the late 50s onwards**:
They all extend radially from London, like the spokes on a bicycle wheel. Did the distribution of traffic justify designing the motorways like this? Here’s a map showing freight patterns in the early 60s:
Looking at this, it would seem most freight travelled within regions – London and the South East as one region, the West Midlands and the Northern industrial cities as the other. Rather than a single hub at London, there perhaps should have been two hubs: one connecting the South East and one in North West England connecting Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, Sheffield and Leeds together.
It would seem that government decisions have helped create a London-centric economy.
This is all history now, but it poses questions for the High Speed Rail being proposed. HS2 will first connect London to Birmingham, then branch into two, with one branch heading to Manchester, the other to Leeds. The proposed HS3 would then connect Liverpool to Hull, via Manchester and Leeds, if it gets approved, but this would be very far off.
Are we making a similar mistake with rail as we did with the roads: prioritising a link to London over all else? Jim O’Neill, formerly of Goldman Sachs, now a Treasury minister looking at devolution to cities outside of London, agrees. Expressing skepticism over HS2, he says:
“I’d put it down as a nice luxury. It’s not obvious to me that it’s going to be useful to the north or the Midlands because all it guarantees is that people can get to London quicker than they can now.”
Instead he wants a cutting-edge transport network between cities such as Liverpool, Manchester, Sheffield and Leeds:
“It’s like creating the equivalent of a tube system. That’s way more valuable to the country.”
Maybe Lord Jim has a point?
I had one of my favourite days yesterday. I took my little sister off my Mum’s hands by looking after her in my flat. I always take the opportunity to spoil her rotten: buying sweets, taking her out for lunch, playing in the park… great fun.
She’d been quite lucky, because it turned out she’d had a McDonald’s the last two days running.
This put me in mind of an article I’d read in the FT recently. McDonald’s has been going through a bit of a hard time recently. There have been scandals, with a human tooth and pieces of vinyl found in their food. There has been a big push by their workers to raise wages. Most importantly, customers aren’t coming through the Golden Arches as often as they used to.
They’ve bought in a new CEO, Steve Easterbrook, who’s successfully run the UK operations, to turn things around. He’s been busy outlining his new plans:
“the first critical step of our operational growth-led plan is to strengthen our effectiveness and efficiency and drive faster and more customer-led decisions”
“As we turn around our critical markets, we will create strategies which leverage our scale and competing power, bring disruptions to life and sharp brands on the move. We will also seek to be more progressive around our social purpose in order to deepen our relationships with communities on the issues that matter to them.”
Any idea what he means? Me neither.
It might help if he were to talk about making food people want to eat.
Anyway, I can’t take Steve’s plans seriously. McDonald’s future can only be secured when that menace, the Hamburglar, is finally behind bars. What are you doing about him, Steve?
The General Election is finally coming to a close today, as people head to the ballot boxes to cast their vote.
The campaigns have neither been all that informative nor edifying – with plenty of baseless hyperbole banded about by all sides.
We are told that Labour crashed the economy the last time they were in power and will do so again. And I suppose they also crashed the US and European economies at the same time? The truth is, whoever was in power, the economy would have crashed then eventually recovered.
We are told that the Conservatives will destroy the NHS. They will privatise it, say Labour; putting profits before people. But both parties have introduced more private providers to inject some competition and choice into the health service. Besides, it’s the profit motives of Aldi and Asda that puts food on my table each day, not a National Food Service. The interesting debates about healthcare are obscured beneath these emotional bleatings.
Whoever wins, they’ll pursue some daft aims they neither can nor should achieve. They’ll also neglect some really important things. How do we build enough homes to stop the younger generation being priced out forever? What do we do about our appalling productivity record? How should we adapt to the opportunities and challenges of an ageing population? What should Britain’s role in the world be, and are we prepared to pay for it?
Ultimately though, politics has very little to offer in the important things in life. It can’t make someone fall in love with you. It can’t give you a sense of rhythm, or make your jokes any funnier. It can’t bring loved ones back from the dead. It can’t make people more polite and considerate.
As Samuel Johnson said,
How small, of all that human hearts endure,
That part which laws or kings can cause or cure.